Finding my “me-ness”

Finding Yourself...a Path to Happiness.

The “I” that is inside you is separate and apart from the “I” that you see staring back in the mirror. Although this is an intellectual acknowledgment for most and for me, for a long time, I am in the early stages of feeling the separateness that is the internal “me”. At times I can actually feel my inner self differentiated from my outer self ( this may be some mental condition as yet undiagnosed, but for now, I call it progress).  I guess I refer to it as  my “me-ness”, the part of me that holds 95% of my value (5% since I’m still caught up in the small bit of validation that my physical ‘me” contributes). I believe the place where real understanding begins is the place at which this acknowledgment is made. There is a “me” on the inside that is not the “me” that I have lived with and tried to beat into submission. The person who looks back at me in the mirror is only the house for my real self. It will grow old, lose firmness, gain rolls and flab, wrinkles, crow’s feet, laugh lines, age spots, bald spots, stretch marks, cellulite, stray hairs and end up old, BUT, the person inside, my real me, my soul (as some have said) is always there, vivacious, eager, excitable, jubilant, alive and bubbly, beautiful in every way. At the moment I grasped this, it felt like a light-bulb exploded and I could see things about myself that I had never seen before. I was beautiful on the outside but goodness was I gorgeous on the inside!! This was my own hard-earned epiphany despite the many years of hearing others say–It’s what’s inside that counts. Now I know. Although we all have to arrive at our own little epiphanies, having someone to remind us of our value (positive value, that is) does not hurt one bit. So, you are immensely more than you can imagine right now. You are all light and beauty and goodness. You are love. You are worth more than anyone has ever said or shown you mostly because those who can’t see it have the same struggles and those who can don’t know how.

Now the big question is, how do we get to the point where this external part of us isn’t the most important part? This is the problem that I have struggled with for a long time. Accepting myself for the person I know I am and not the person other people see and have created in their minds is no small task.  For me, the first step was wanting to be at peace with myself and taking a huge dose of ….perspective.

Ask yourself: How many of the people who you let determine how you feel about…. your hair, your body, your smile, your breast size, your car, home, job, your kids, your mate, those cheap clothes you bought (even though your neighbor just bought a bag that was half your paycheck) or anything else are really thinking about you at 7:45 p.m? How many are actually thinking, I wonder if Su’s okay right now, is she happy? Chances are, if you do cross their mind, it’s not because they’re wondering if you’re doing well.

Reality check: Most people have their own lives and they don’t care about yours, at least not for longer than a day or two if  it’s really good gossip and even then they get over it.  Case in point: Michael Jackson–The KING of pop. When I was younger and watched people faint and cry uncontrollably because they were in his presence, I thought “Man, I can’t imagine how they’ll react when he dies. It’ll be a pandemonium. After all, he was one of the most interesting men alive. But then August 2009, he died and people cried and mourned in a much more lackluster way than my little mind conjured up years ago. Not to dismiss the power of  “The Michael,” millions of fans will think of him casually or when they hear a song, but their lives have not stopped in any real way.  So, why, oh why would their lives stop for me? I’m wonderful and everything, but I’m no King of Pop.  Are you any different?

View of Life

Looking at the outside world, we’re on eye-level with everything that happens to us. We see things happening TO us. Most times, we are the silent receivers in the game. What we really need is to adjustment the way we view the world, maybe take a bird’s-eye view, a sniper’s view or some other view that divorces us from the one way we’ve seen things for so long. Some people gain this perspective when they have hit rock bottom and they’re forced because the only way to survive is to discard the old way of seeing and experiencing things and develop a new outlook. We all have the power to change the way we see things and think out our lives, it’s available to every one.  We need to ask ourselves some questions that challenge the way that we see things and unearth our very core.

Know Your Essence

  • Is the way you see your world or life accurate?
  • Are your thoughts true reflections of your experiences?
  • Is the I in the mirror a true reflection of the “you” on the inside?
  • Who are you at your center?
  • Who is this person that goes to work or school everyday?
  • Who are you apart from your job as a student or parent or sister or daughter?
  • What values and traits define you?
  • How are these things manifested in your life?
  • Do you experience you best self everyday?
  • Who determines what you experience?
  • Who determines what your best self is, does, thinks and says?
  • Do you feel in control of your self? Or do you let what others thing or say or the way that they look at you guide your emotions?

Importantly, when we don’t know who we are at our core, everything and everybody can alter our day with just a glance, or a tone of voice or their own negative views of their world. Why let that into yours?

Determine Your Day

Another important factor in changing perspective is determining where we want to go and what it will look and feel like to get there. By this I am not suggesting that we set ourselves up for disappointment, I mean prepare your mind for things to go the way that you want them to go. This largely entails directing your mind toward the positive. Try the following:

  • Wake up and thank your Higher Power for the opportunity to see another day, experience the things that you didn’t have a chance to and live a new, more interesting day filled with surprises.
  • Think that today will be a day unlike any other, with new challenges for you to experience, some fun and exciting, others not so fun but still important for your growth.
  • Remind yourself that everything that happens, positive or negative is ultimately in your best interest as nothing happens by chance.
  • Verbally acknowledge that you are in the exact place where you need to be and cannot imagine being in any other place to learn the things you need to learn.

Enjoy your days. Namaste!!


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