I’ve got something to tell you. You may find it a little hard to believe but once you accept it, we can all move on and do what we came here to do.
You know that nagging voice that tells you: you aren’t good enough? Will never be like Ms. Business Superstar? Will fall flat on your face if you step out into the world? Yes, voice. That’s your inner critic. And as much as you like to think it loves you and is saving you from certain death-by-embarrassment, I’m here to tell you, you’ve been duped.
In fact, brace yourself…
She does not love you. She actually hates you and wants to make your life miserable. It’s time to break up.
I don’t know how you feel about that, but the sooner you realize that the more you will show up authentically bearing the value buried inside of you.
See, for years your inner critic has been running your life. It told you what not to say which incidentally, was some of your most insightful, earth-shattering ideas. It shut you down when you began to develop the courage to express your true self.
She still reminds you of the mistakes that you have made in the past. She keeps you stuck, fearing that you can’t do any better than what you had always done. You hide the real you because no-one will like you if they knew the real you.
Even when you thought that she was trying to ruin your life, you still didn’t see it.
I don’t want to be too hard on her. Your inner critic has value; she provides you with valuable and constructive feedback that helps to upgrade the quality of your work.
As a critic, she’s doing her job—criticizing. She is providing a metric of self-evaluation that should help you fit neatly within society’s mold. Taking her advice allows you to fit right in with those Joneses. The downside is the constant scrutiny and fear-mongering in your head all the time. Not healthy.
The problem arises when we hold our inner critic too closely and love her more than we love the people we want to help. We get stuck deciphering between the constructive feedback and the toxic elements swirling in our minds. Our hearts don’t get a chance because our heads are in charge.
When you neglect the barrier between good feedback and criticism you have allowed her to take you off course. You have given over your power of self-determination to the voice within that doesn’t have the wisdom and understanding that you do.
When your inner critic shouts louder than your heart, you allow your sense of inadequacy to override your internal knowing that what you have to offer is valuable.
When you allow yourself to accept any evidence that what you think of yourself is less true than what the voice in your head tells you, you keep yourself back.
Any relationship that restricts your growth is dysfunctional and does not serve your highest and greatest good. A break-up is definitely in order.
You enter into the Earth space filled with value that we yearn to receive and experience. Your inner critic dulls your shine. It stops your flow and waters down your message. We need pure unadulterated truth and love as you would deliver it. The goodness in your work often gets edited out by your inner critic for fear that you will offend someone, overshare, and overexpose your issues. It also creates a façade that hides the real and authentic you—the “YOU” that is playing small.
The movement to create more good and uplift more people, to create more heart-centered businesses and more authentic relationships requires that you show up as your true self. Anything less detracts from your greatness.
We take comfort in the fact that if we don’t put ourselves out into the world, we won’t fail for everybody to see, but this also ensures that we don’t get our best work to the world as well. If we don’t step out even when we are second-guessing ourselves we will never experience the surprise that the universe sends when we walk out on faith.
Remember that keeping your candle under a cup ensures that your message dies a slow, painful death. You didn’t come on assignment to Earth to return unfinished.
One way to ensure that you are one step closer to achieving your dreams is to think of your inner critic as the meanest person you know, full of heart breaking judgment, who is intent on making your life miserable. Is this someone you want to keep close to you? NO? Well, then, it’s time to break up.
After the breakup and the devastation ensue, what do you do?
- Get a new supportive voice in your head and in your ear. While you are getting over the constant negativity, you need a more positive place from which to explore. Find one person who knows you, understands your vision, and is supportive of you.
- Get involved in groups of people who share the same success aspirations and are actually doing something about it. You don’t want to get caught up with a group of people with big dreams and no follow-through.
- Challenge the negative voice when it pops up again, which it will. From now on, you will no longer but into what the critic is selling. Actually, since you’re broken up, you don’t even have to listen. We’re in “No Contact” mode.
- Continue to acquire small wins and some big ones, stepping out as your authentic self.
- Live the mantra: What other people think of me is none of my business. Go out more, try new things, meet new people, talk about what you do and what your biggest, shiniest dream is.
- Love your life and make the biggest impact that you can.